


Guilt

by imagem



Category: New Amsterdam (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-03-07 08:50:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18869848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imagem/pseuds/imagem
Summary: The aftermath of the ambulance crash





	1. Don't die

The call came in. Two ambulances crashed near the hospital. Casey immediately knew it was him. His patient with two balloons full of cocaine in his stomach. The man was panicking and he should have done something, anything to stop him from fleeing.

He pushed the crushing feeling of guilt aside and ran to the crash site, hoping no one has died. Only to see one dead body on the ground, the medical director bloodied carrying his newborn child and.. Bloom! Why was she in the ambulance? She was hurt badly. Her heart stopped and Candelario started performing CPR.

“I got a heartbeat. Low, but steady” he said while he helped carry her on the stretcher then quickly taking her to the ED.

Candelario stopped him from entering.

“You’re too close. Go back to the crash site” She ordered.

“I’m not!” Casey objected. He had to be inside the operating room. To offer his help at any form.

“Follow orders” she cut him off and gave the order.

Casey followed her instruction as a solider and went back out. Once all of the crash site victims were attended to, he went back to the ED and peeked from the small door windows to check on Bloom.

“How is she?” Reynolds asked as he was holding Evie.

“I don’t know” Casey answered with frustration.

The three kept waiting in silence until Candelario came out.

“She’s in the clear now” she answered without being prompted after seeing their faces. She listed the body part that were broken and built up to her worst concern: Brain damage. Bloom had a cardiac arrest, and oxygen was cut off for a short period of time.

“Only time will tell” Candelario concluded.

Casey walked away, hiding his face when tears started streaming down his face. The guilt hit him hard and he started sobbing in the on-call room.

He did this to her.  


Max moved Bloom to the hospital’s presidential suite. She deserved it after saving his family and also for putting her into the ambulance.  

Bloom was kept in a medically induced coma after her cardiac arrest and Casey made it a point to visit her at every chance he got. He saw Reynolds and Evie visit her a number of times, sometimes Reynolds came alone. Helen kept herself busy, and avoided visiting Bloom.

The number of visitors lessened with every week that have went by and everyone knew what that meant. With every passing minute, her chance of coming back dwindles.

Money was tight for Casey since he hasn’t being pulling double shifts, and spent his time at Bloom’s side. He didn’t want to leave her alone. The only family member he tried tracking down was her sister, who was in Rehab. Casey tried to convince the administrators there to bring her to New Amsterdam to be with Bloom, and even involved Max to sway their decision. Still they declined their offer, since she’s unsteady and the news might cause another relapse.

“We’ll call you when she wakes up” One of the nurses in the ward offered a help hand when she could see how hard it was on him.

“You’re not a quitter” Casey spoke to Bloom, hoping that she could hear him. “Please fight”

Casey took a double shift that day at the Bronx hospital to pay his rent, so that his family doesn’t get evicted.

He was distracted, constantly checking his phone for a message or a phone call. He quickly rushed back to New Amsterdam hospital once his shift was over, and went directly to Bloom.

Only to see that her bed was empty. She wasn’t there!

“Where’s Bloom?” Casey panicked when asking the nurse.

“Worried about me?” A voice came from behind.

Bloom was getting wheeled in by Max after finishing from her checkup.

Casey felt a sense of relief when hearing her voice and her smile.

“Casey has been visiting you every day” Max chimed in.

Lauren knew that. She heard him talk to her when she had those small fleeting moments of consciousness. It was only his voice that she remembered and was grateful for him.

“Thank you” she said

He wanted to confess about being the cause of the accident, but now wasn’t the time. She had to recover first then he will tell her.

A promise he kept once Bloom came back to work, fully recovered.

“Dr. Bloom,” Casey called her “can we talk?”

She nodded and he followed her into the on-call room.

“What is it?” Bloom asked, seeing that Casey was not his usual self.

Casey took a moment to gather himself, he looked down, ashamed of what he has done and finally spoke the words he has been wanting to say for a long time “I’m the cause of the accident. I’m truly sorry for what happened to you”

“Casey” she spoke his name softly when seeing tears streaming down his face. “Listen to me. Max shared the police report with me, and no one is blaming you for it.”

“I could have stopped him” Casey finally was able to look her into the eye, meaning every word.

“If I wasn’t talking to the paramedics at the time of the crash, they could have seen him coming. There are a lot of what ifs. It happened, and we can’t change that.” Bloom responded.

Then it hit her “Is that why you kept visiting me? Guilt?” she asked the question without hesitation. She felt hurt by it, fooling herself into thinking that he cared for her.

“I did not want to lose you” he answered, not knowing if he answered her question, but that was the truth.

“I uh have to go back to work” Bloom excused herself, and left the room quickly. She didn’t want him to see her blush.

 

 

 


	2. Your face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bloom first day on the job after her long break, and two things keep distracting her: The throbbing pain in her leg, and Casey.

Bloom easily went back into running the ED, as if she has not even left, except two things kept distracting her. The throbbing pain in her leg, and Casey.

How foolish she felt for believing he cared for her more than a colleague. She had to escape the on-call room when he told her the truth, and activated boss-mode. Yet every time he checked on her, she got flustered.

“Casey, can we talk?” she called him into her office, “You have to stop that!”

“Stop what?” he raised his eyebrows in confusion.

“That! Your worried face. I’m fine!” she said with disdain.

Casey only nodded and backed away since that moment. He didn’t realize he was being overbearing, so he kept stopping himself when he kept noticing Bloom straining herself for standing on her bad leg. She was clearly in pain, but kept pushing forward. She’s one of the strongest people he ever encountered, stronger that those he served with in the military.

Casey was relieved to see Max coming into the ED to personally force Bloom out of the hospital, knowing that she will not leave on her own once her shift ends. 

“Are you going to do this every day?” Bloom protested.

“As long as I live” Max gave one of his morbid jokes, which no one laughed at except for him.

Bloom rolled her eyes at him then raised her hands in defeat. She left the hospital while mulling over nearby diners to grab dinner from, until the throbbing pain in her leg became unbearable and stopping her from taking even one more step.

“Dr. Bloom, are you alright?” Casey asked when he saw her standing still near the hospital gates.

She was going to deny it, but her tears have betrayed her.

“It’s my leg. I just need to sit” she admitted.

Casey quickly lifted her, one hand under her legs, one hand supporting her back, then walked to the nearest bench.

“Wait!” Bloom objected. Feeling her face flushing instantly.

“Do you want me to take you back to the hospital?” Casey asked while ignoring her objections.

 “No, no, it’s fine. I’ll take a painkiller once I’m back home.” She replied feeling embarrassed for having her employee see her at her weakened state and especially having their faces inches apart.

Casey sat her gently at a bench then quickly hauled a cab and helped her into it then to her surprise rode along with her.

“You don’t have to” Bloom objected again, knowing his actions are driven by guilt and he’s been overcompensating.

“I do” he insisted.

She realized at that moment that he needed to help her to deal with his guilt, so she allowed it.

They sat side by side in the cramped yellow cab, and Casey started to talk about the time she was away in rehab.

“Candelario was a hard ass, put everyone in their place, even Dr. Kapoor” Casey recalled.

“I wish I got to see that” Bloom said with glee. She always had trouble limiting his long hourly consultations in the ED.

“I always preferred you helming the chaos” Casey admitted.

“I don’t know if I want the chaos anymore. I’ve been thinking of changing gears. Peds…” she shared for the first time. She found amusement in his shocked expression.

 “I’m coming with you” he added without missing a beat. “I know I’m not a good fit, but.. I don’t want to work under Canderlario anymore”

Bloom burst out laughing, forgetting the pain in her leg for a moment, and tapped Casey playfully on his shoulder.

“You were just complimenting her!” Bloom pointed out.

“It wasn’t a compliment! Please take me with you!” He pleaded jokingly.

“It’s not like I’m going tomorrow. I have to get a pediatrics residency first, and it will take years.” She tried to calm him down.

“Then go for it! You’d do great with whatever you put your heart into” Casey encouraged her.

“Stop that!” said Bloom.

“Stop what?” Casey wasn’t realizing he was doing anything.

“Your face” she joked instead of telling him to stop being too nice.

Before he could retort, the cab driver announced that they have arrived, and Casey was quick to rush to her side to help her up.

“I can walk, don’t carry me” she quickly stated.

So he helped her into the building, into the elevator then into her apartment.

He was trying not to give away how shocked he was at how rich everything looked, even the door handle seemed expensive. Everyone at the hospital knew Bloom was rich, but seeing it was something else.

 “I—uh-got to run” Casey tried to excuse himself before embarrass himself. His eyes couldn’t stop scanning the place.

“No, stay. I want to thank you for today, especially for carrying me” Bloom wasn’t ready for him to leave, she didn’t want him to leave.

“Sure” he quickly sat next to her, with his arms folded, not knowing how to act.

Bloom made her way to the kitchen, and brought a bottle of red wine and crackers.

“What?” she asked when she couldn’t figure out the look on his face.

“We’ve been working together for years now, and you never acted rich. Not even now.” Casey voiced his observation. He was astonished at how grounded she was. If he was in her place, he would have quit his job and partied all day.

“I wasn’t rich my whole life. New money” Bloom found herself sharing a small part of her history with him. She never talked about it with anyone, not her friends, boyfriends… Now she was able to with Casey. Her tattooed nurse.

“My shift is going to start in 10 minutes. If you need anything, this is my phone number” he took her phone and saved his number as ‘Nurse Casey’.

He quickly left, leaving Bloom looking at his phone number. She edited his name to ‘Casey Acosta’. The bond between them is no longer between employees, but something more.

 

 

 


End file.
